Releasing the gull

The veterinary nurse had said that the gull was ready, so I carried its box from the car to the quiet end of the beach at first light. For nearly a month, I had measured its food and changed its water twice a day. Inside the box, the bird beat its wings once and then became still. The clasp was secure, yet I checked it again. Opening it would end a routine that had shaped every morning and evening. I wanted the gull to rise immediately, as if one clean flight would prove that every decision I had made had been right. Then I felt uneasy for turning its recovery into a test of me. When the wind lifted the feathers around its neck, the gull stood alert, although my hands continued to tremble around the clasp.

In your own words, explain the writer's thoughts and feelings before releasing the gull.